Ch. 20
Concerning the Epicureans and Academics.
Things true and evident must, of necessity, be
recognized even by those who would contradict
them. And perhaps one of the strongest proofs that
there is such a thing as evidence is the necessity
which compels even those who contradict it to make
use of it. If a person, for instance, should deny that
anything is universally true, he will be obliged to assert the contrary, that nothing is universally true.
Foolish man, not so. For what is this but an universal statement?40 Again, suppose any one should
come and say, " Know that there is nothing to be
known; but all things are uncertain; " or another,
" Believe me, for your good, that no man ought to be
believed in anything;" or a third, "Learn from me
that nothing is to be learned; I tell you this, and
will teach the proof of it, if you please." Now what
difference is there between such as these, and those
who call themselves Academics, - who say to us, " Be
convinced that no one ever is convinced; believe us,
that nobody believes anybody "?
Thus also, when Epicurus would destroy the natural tie between mankind, he makes use of the very
thing he is destroying. For what says he? "Be
not deceived; be not seduced and mistaken. There
is no natural tie between reasonable beings. Believe
me. Those who say otherwise mislead and impose
upon you." Why are you concerned for us then?
Let us be deceived. You will fare never the worse,
if all the rest of us are persuaded that there is a natural tie between mankind, and that it is by all means
to be preserved. Nay, it will be much safer and better. Why do you give yourself any trouble about us,
sir? Why do you break your rest for us? Why do
you light your lamp? Why do you rise early? Why
do you compose so many volumes? Is it that none
of us should be deceived concerning the gods, as if
they took any care of men; or that we may not
suppose the essence of good consists in anything
but in pleasure? For if these things be so, lie down
and sleep, and lead the life of which you judge yourself worthy, - that of a mere worm. Eat, drink, debauch, snore. What is it to you, whether others think
rightly or wrongly about these things? For what
have you to do with us? You take care of sheep,
because they afford their milk, their wool, and at
last their flesh. And would it not be a desirable
thing that men might be so lulled and enchanted by
the Stoics as to give themselves up to be milked
and fleeced by you, and such as you? Should not
these doctrines be taught to your brother Epicureans
only, and concealed from the rest of the world; who
should by all means, above all things, be persuaded
that we have a natural tie with each other, and that
self-command is a good thing, in order that all may
be kept safe for you? Or is this tie to be preserved
towards some and not towards others? Towards
whom, then, is it to be preserved,--towards such as
mutually preserve, or such as violate it? And who
violate it more than you, who teach such doctrines?
What was it, then, that waked Epicurus from his
sleep, and compelled him to write what he did; what
else, but that which is of all influences the most powerful among mankind, Nature; which draws every
one, however unwilling and reluctant, to its own purposes. For since, she says, you think that there is
no tie between mankind, write out this doctrine, and
leave it for the use of others; and break your sleep
upon that account; and by your own practice confute your own principles. Do we say that Orestes
was roused from sleep because driven by the furies;
and was not Epicurus waked by sterner furies and
avengers, which would not suffer him to rest, but
compelled him to utter his own ills, as wine and madness do the priests of Cybele? So strong and unconquerable a thing is human nature ! For how can a
vine have the properties not of a vine, but of an olivetree; or an olive-tree not those of an olive-tree, but
of a vine? It is impossible. It is inconceivable. Neither, therefore, is it possible for a human creature entirely to lose human affections. But even those who
have undergone a mutilation cannot have their inclinations also mutilated; and so Epicurus, when he
had mutilated all the offices of a man, of a master of
a family, of a citizen, and of a friend, did not mutilate the inclinations of humanity; for this he could
not do, any more than the idle Academics can throw
away or blind their own senses, though this be the
point they chiefly labor. What a misfortune is it,
when any one, after having received from Nature
standards and rules for the knowledge of truth, does
not strive to add to these, and make up their deficiencies; but, on the contrary, endeavors to take away and
destroy whatever truth may be known even by them.
What say you, philosopher? What do you think
of piety and sanctity? "If you please, I will prove
that they are good." Pray do prove it; that our
citizens may be converted, and honor the Deity, and
may no longer neglect what is of the highest importance. " Do you accept these demonstrations, then? "
I have, and I thank you. "Since you are so well
pleased with this, then, learn these contrary propositions: that there are no gods, or, if there are,
that they take no care of mankind, neither have we
any concern with them; that this piety and sanctity,
so much talked of by many, are only an imposition of
boasting and sophistical men, or perhaps of legislators, for a terror and restraint to injustice." Well
done, philosopher. Our citizens are much the better
for you. You have already brought back all the
youth to a contempt of the Deity. "What! does
not this please you, then? Learn next, that justice
is nothing; that shame is folly; that the paternal relation is nothing; the filial, nothing. " Well said, philosopher; persist, convince the youth; that we may
have many more to think and talk like you. By
such doctrines as these, no doubt, have our well-governed states flourished ! Upon these was Sparta
founded ! Lycurgus, by his laws and method of
education, introduced such persuasions as these:
that it is not base to be slaves, rather than honorable; nor honorable to be free, rather than base!
They who died at Thermopylae, died from such principles as these ! And from what other doctrines did
the Athenians leave their city?41
And yet they who talk thus marry, and produce
children, and engage in public affairs, and get themselves made priests and prophets. Of whom? Of
gods that have no existence. And they consult the
Pythian priestess, only to hear falsehoods, and interpret the oracles to others. Oh, monstrous impudence
and imposture !
What are you doing, man? 42 You contradict your-
self every day; and you will not give up these paltry
cavils. When you eat, where do you put your hand, -
to your mouth, or to your eye? When you bathe,
where do you go? Do you ever call a kettle a dish,
or a spoon a spit? If I were a servant to one of
these gentlemen, were it at the hazard of being flayed
every day, I would plague him. "Throw some oil
into the bath, boy." I would take pickle, and pour
upon his head. "W hat is this?" Really, sir, I was
impressed by a certain semblance so like oil as not to
be distinguished from it. "Give me the soup." I
would carry him a dish full of vinegar. "Did I
not ask for the soup?" Yes, sir; this is the soup.
"Is not this vinegar?" Why so, more than soup?
"Take it and smell it, take it and taste it." How do
you know, then, but our senses deceive us? If I had
three or four fellow-servants to join with me, I would
make him either choke with passion and burst, or
change his opinions. But now they insult us by
making use of the gifts of nature, while in words
they destroy them. Those must be grateful and
modest men, at least, who, while eating their daily
bread, dare to say, "We do not know whether there
be any such beings as Demeter, or Core, or Pluto."
Not to mention that while they possess the blessings
of night and day, of the annual seasons, of the stars,
the earth, and the sea, they are not the last affected
by any of these things; but only study to give out
some idle problem, and when they have thus relieved
themselves, go and bathe; but take not the least care
what they say, nor on what subjects, nor to whom,
nor what may be the consequence of their talk,-
whether any well-disposed young man, on hearing
such doctrines, may not be affected by them, and so
affected as entirely to lose the seeds of his good disposition; whether they may not furnish an adulterer
with occasions of growing shameless in his guilt;
whether a public plunderer may not find excuses
from these doctrines; whether he, who neglects his
parents, may not gain an additional confidence from
them.
"What things, then, in your opinion, are good and
evil, fair and base,- such things, or such things?"
But why should one argue any more with such as
these, or interchange opinions, or endeavor to convince them? By Zeus ! one might sooner hope to
convince the most unnatural debauchees, than those
who are thus deaf and blind to their own ills.
