Introduction

Who is it that calls out my name with such a noise and tumult, and is knocking so hard at the door?

I and this person here.
Pointing to PHILOXENUS.

Pray, what's the matter now? Who has been driving these sheep [TLN 1121] ¹⁵⁶ to us?

These most shocking hussies call us sheep.

Their shepherd's asleep, as they come straying thus from the flock.

But, i' faith, they are not white; they both look dirty.

Because they have both been shorn just now.

How they seem to be laughing at us.

Let them, just as long as they please.

Don't you think that these sheep are shorn three times a year?

I' faith, to-day one of them has been already shorn twice, that's sure.

They are old and fleeceless [TLN 1129] ¹⁵⁷ , both of them.

But I think they have been in good plight once.

Prithee, do you see how they are looking with a sheep's eye at us?

By my troth, I really do believe they are without any ill design.

This happens to us deservedly, for having come here.

Well, let them be driven in-doors to fold [TLN 1134] ¹⁵⁸ .

I don't know what occasion there is for that, as they have neither milk nor wool. Let them stand as they are. Of whatever value they have been, they are now out of date; all their fruit has fallen off them by this. Don't you see, how, straying unattended, they are ranging about at liberty? Why, I fancy that they must be dumb with age; they don't bleat even, though they are absent from the rest of the flock. They seem both silly and worthless.

Let's return in-doors, sister.

Stay where you are, both of you; these sheep want you.

Why, surely this is a prodigy; sheep are addressing us with a human voice.

These sheep will return you the heavy and great injury which they owe to you.

If you owe me aught, I forgive it you; keep it to yourself; I'll never demand it of you. But what is the reason that you are threatening mischief to us?

Because they say that our two lambs are shut up here.
Pointing to the house.

And besides those lambs, my dog is there concealed that bites [TLN 1146] ¹⁵⁹ . If they are not now produced to us and sent out of the house, we shall be furious rams; we shall attack you forthwith.

Sister, I have something to say to you in private.

How now, prithee?
They go apart.

Whither are they going?

Sister, I give to you that old fellow that's farthest off, that you may have him cleverly smoothed down; I'll now attack this other one that's angry; if we can only entice them here indoors.

I'll manage my task with cleverness, although 'tis to caress an old skeleton.

Take care and do your best.

Be quiet; do you do yours; I'll manage what I have said.

Why are these two women holding a council here in private?

What say you, my good fellow----?

What would you with me?

I really am ashamed to tell you a certain thing.

What is it that you're ashamed about?

Still, as you are a person, a friend of mine, I'm determined to entrust you with what I could wish.
Whispers.
I'm good for nought.

I've known that this long time; but tell me why you're good for nought?

I've been terribly touched with birdlime: troth, my heart is pierced by the goad.

I' faith, 'twere much better if your flanks were goaded, you worthless fellow. But what is it? Although I suspect that I myself pretty well know already what it is; still, I should even like to hear it from yourself.

Do you see that woman?
Pointing to the SECOND BACCHIS.

I see her.

She's not an uncomely person.

Troth, but she is decidedly uncomely; and you are a good-for-nothing fellow.

Why more? I'm in love.

You, in love?

'Pon honor [TLN 1162] ¹⁶⁰ .

And do you, you rotten creature, presume to become a lover at your time of life?

Why not?

Because it's a disgrace.

What need of words? I am not vexed with my son, nor yet is it right you should be vexed with yours: if they are in love, they do wisely.

[gap in text] Follow me this way.
They approach the old men.

See, they are moving at last, these allurers and enticers to disgrace.
To the women.
How now? Do you this instant restore us our sons and my servant, or am I to try rougher means with you?

Won't you away with you? You surely are not a man, to address a pretty woman so rudely in that fashion.

Most worthy old gentleman, by whatsoever is upon the earth, let me entreat this of you, that you will cease to attack this error with such great vehemence.

If you don't away with you, although you are so handsome, I'll be doing you some great mischief just now.

I shall endure it; I don't apprehend that any blow that you can give, will cause me any pain.

How smooth of speech she is. O me! I am in alarm.

aside
. He's more calm already.
Aloud.
Step this way with me in-doors; and there, if you choose, correct your son.
Takes his arm.

Avaunt from me, abomination!
Shakes her off.

Do, my love, let me prevail upon you.

You, prevail upon me? 2nd

For sure, I shall prevail, at all events, upon this gentleman.
Pointing PHILOXENUS.

Yes, I beg of you to show me in-doors.

What a dear man you are.

But do you know on what condition you are to show me in-doors?

That you are to be with me.

You mention all that I desire.

[gap in text]

I have seen wicked men; but not one worse than yourself.

I am as I am.

to NICOBULUS
. Step this way in-doors with me, where you may be elegantly received with viands, wine, and unguents.

Enough, enough now of your banquets; it matters not to me how I'm received. My son and Chrysalus have choused me out of four hundred Philippeans. If I don't surely this day put him to the torture, may I never receive as large a sum again.

What, pray, if half the gold is paid you back? Will you go in-doors here with me, and so control your feelings as to forgive them their faults?

He'll do it.
Takes his arm.

Certainly not--I won't--I don't care--let me alone, now.
Shakes him off.
I had rather punish them both.

Take you care, you good-for-nothing man, that through your own fault you don't lose even that which the favouring Gods offer you. One half of the gold is offered; take it, and carouse, and enjoy yourself with your partner.

What, am I to carouse in that very place where my son is being corrupted?

You must carouse there.

Am I to be the witness of it when she is reclining with him at table?

Nay, so far as I'm concerned, i' faith, I'll recline at table with your own self.

My head does itch so [TLN 1192] ¹⁶¹ .
Aside.
I'm a ruined man--I can scarce deny her.

And has it not before this come into your mind, that if, while you live, you enjoy yourself, that, i' faith, is for no very long time; and that, if you lose the present day, it can never return to you after you are dead?

What am I to do?

What are you to do? Do you even ask it?

I should like, and yet I'm afraid.

What are you afraid of?

Lest I should be exposed before my son and my servant.

Pray now, my honey; such things do happen. He's your own son; whence do you suppose that he is to have money, except that only which you give him yourself? Let me obtain pardon of you for them both.

aside
. How she does work her way. She's now prevailing on me against that which I was quite resolved upon.

I will love you, and embrace you.

Through your doing, and for your sake am I corrupted.

I certainly had rather 'twere for your own than for mine.

Come then, however that may be, although it is to my disgrace, I'll submit; I'll induce my feelings to do so.

Have I that solemnly promised? [gap in text]

What I have once said, I will not alter.

The day wears apace. Come into the house, to take your places at table: your sons are expecting within----

How soon, in fact, we may be dead, d'ye mean?

'Tis evening, already; come, follow us.

Lead us in like bondsmen [TLN 1205] ¹⁶² .
They go into the house.

to the SPECTATORS
. Right cleverly are these persons entrapped [TLN 1206] ¹⁶³ themselves, who for their sons had laid a snare.
Goes in.

Had not these old men been worthless from their youth upwards, they would not, with their hoary heads, have this day done an action so disgraceful; nor, indeed, should we have represented this, if we had not, before this, seen it happen that fathers became the rivals of their sons in the houses of procurers. Spectators, we wish you Farewell! and that you will grant us loud applause.